Chapter 4: In Too Deep

By this point…

I wasn’t just around the streets anymore.

I was in it.

For real.

⸻

"Shit" at 15…

everything sped up.

2009 wasn’t just another year for me.

It was the year everything changed.

What once felt like freedom…

started to feel different.

At first, it was fast money, no rules, no one telling me what to do.

I could move how I wanted.

Come and go as I pleased.

I was considered a renegade.

But that feeling?

It didn’t last.

⸻

What I once thought I understood…

I really didn’t.

Not even close.

The deeper I got…

the more things started changing.

It wasn’t just about money anymore.

It was about survival in a whole different way.

Watching people closely.

Moving smart.

Trusting almost nobody.

Because everybody had an angle.

⸻

I started seeing things I couldn’t unsee.

Girls just like me…

but more lost.

Some stuck.

Some controlled.

Some too far gone to even realize it.

And even though I told myself

“That’s not me…”

I was closer to that life than I wanted to admit.

⸻

That’s the thing about the streets…

Everything doesn’t come how you expect it.

Love doesn’t feel like love.

Control doesn’t look like control—at first.

It creeps in.

Little by little.

______

The money?

It came fast.

But it left just as fast too.

And the more I made…

the more I felt like I needed to keep going.

Like I couldn’t slow down.

Like stopping wasn’t even an option.

⸻

There were nights I didn’t feel safe.

Times I had to fake confidence

just to make it through.

Smiling on the outside…

while my mind was somewhere else.

⸻

And love?

That got confusing.

Because now I couldn’t tell

who really cared about me…

and who just saw what I could offer.

But I still found myself chasing that feeling.

Wanting something real

in a world that wasn’t.

⸻

At home…

things weren’t really better.

I was physically there sometimes…

but mentally?

I was already gone.

The streets had a hold on me now.

⸻

I kept telling myself I was in control.

That I knew what I was doing.

That I could stop whenever I wanted.

But deep down…

I was in deeper than I ever planned to be.

⸻

And the craziest part?

I didn’t even realize

how much it was changing me.

Until I looked in the mirror one day…

and didn’t recognize the girl staring back.